Shaping A Meaningful 24/7 BDSM Relationship- Part 3

// August 18th, 2010 // BDSM Articles

RIDICULING

Much of what a slave does, comes down to her motivation and quite often this motivation may be nothing else but pursuing her own pleasure. While there is of course nothing wrong with a slave having fun, it should also be clear that, if there is no true sacrifice, there is also no true submission. In such cases ridiculing her efforts will often help.

Picture this situation, many will recognize. A slave has recently been whipped. She will be proud of the marks, left behind by the whip or cane. But what exactly is she proud of? Well, nine out of ten times she will tell you something like Ï can bear this for my Master”, while in fact she is only pursuing her own fun.

What a dominant wants to see of course is true sacrifice, true surrendering, true submission. Meaning that you will want her to be happy (at times) not just for herself but be truly happy about how she has pleased her Master.

So what you do is this: perform one of her favorite scenarios but, instead of praising her, ridicule her. Tease her about how she is not really working very hard, how her cries of pain in fact are nothing but disguised cries of joy, how she gets aroused by all this and how hard she is working, pleasing herself instead of her dominant.

Combined with other forms of humiliation, such as letting her drool, a scene like that can be extremely confronting and will force her to re-evaluate her motivation. Quite often, that will bring her – and as a result the two of you – to entirely new and higher levels of intensity, especially when she starts to understand that true submission is in true sacrifice: i.e. doing things not for her, but for Him.

Be careful though, because you do not want to destroy her will to submit, you want to intensify and strengthen it, so don’t push things over the top. Maybe you will not be able to do all this in one step, but you may need a few small steps to get where you want to. The careful route is always the preferred one in psychological play, so take it slow.

BREAKING HER WILL

It’s a subject, much talked about in BDSM-circles: breaking the slave’s will. But how exactly do you do that. And – maybe most importantly – why.

Quite a few subs will sooner or later ask their dom to “break” them. It is first of all important to sit down together and figure out what exactly it is, she is asking for.
Most of the time it will be things such as breaking her strong will, taking her to places she has never been before or stretch limits. It is important you find out first exactly what it is she wants, before going there. “breaking” is serious edge play and not without certain risks.
Regardless of motivation, the process will almost always be a serious test and experience for both dom and sub and is likely to be confronting for both. Since the process of breaking will almost always involve disregarding her needs, the average dominant will have to go against his better judgment and his feelings, but instead will have to be tough.
This may be be anything BUT easy. As a result, apart from the sub’s needs, the dominant can only enter into such situations if he feel self-assured, well-balanced and up to challenges that probably will await him.
EXTREME TEASING

Another way to make it clear to her she cannot have what she wants, when she wants it, is to use some extreme teasing techniques. These situations may sometimes come close to breaking and hence will also quickly become edge play situation.

You do not want the slave to be able to escape whatever it is you have planned. Cages, or serious bondage (in chains) will help you create such a situation.

The thing to play with here are the things she wants most in any given situation. Like teasing your sub with food she cannot reach, but can see. Alternatively, since boredom is one of the things that kicks in most when being locked up in a cage or cell for longer periods of time, you would get similar result from leaving books or anything else to fight boredom just outside her reach.

Another, highly effective, form of extreme teasing of course is to deny her orgasms when she most badly wants them.
Extreme teasing a very effective way to make it clear that not everything is to be taken for granted and that, whatever happens, the dominant is the one controlling the situation . Which is why you should not just restrict yourself to denying her certain things, but a firm dose of verbal teasing as well, such as telling her she can’t have it and how sorry you are she has to go through all this.

Especially orgasm denial works a lot better, when combined with verbal humiliation, for example through telling her that she may be a soaking wet slut but that there is no reason for you to provide her with relief just because she needs it.
As a dominant you again will have to be tough in situations like these and the tougher you are, the better things work. You’ll have her begging and pleading in no time and in fact – for many submissives – that is the summit of submission: begging but not being allowed to.

These are the moments when control is really and truly released, because there is no other option and true power is being exchanged (more importantly: given up).

The more explicit you are about just how pathetic and useless her pleas are, the better (although this may not always be easy).

Is she having a hard time coping with whatever torture you are putting her through? Add a gag so begging will become a lot more difficult. And add some extra torture to her agony and ignore her pleas for mercy. Then tell her she really has to speak up and make herself understandable and that you cannot be expected to understand her gagged, funny noises.
Extreme teasing is an excellent technique to test the use of safe words (or punish her when safe words were used inappropriately) and it is also an effective way to push limits when needed or required. Of course, all that is not without a certain risk and you have to be careful not to overstep any trust boundaries here.

Yes the dom – and frequently should – be “merciless, but of course not too mercy less and the two of you will have to know each other very well in order to be able to enter into situations like these. extreme teasing is not for beginners and also not for one night stands or incidental contacts.

You can dramatically increase your scenes using advanced techniques such as these, but you should always be careful. At the very least, both dom and sub should understand there is always the risk of either of them getting carried away and that you may do things that – in hindsight – were not all that clever or inappropriate at the time. Such accidents do happen, they cannot always be avoided and yes, you should be realistic about them.

…………………………………………………To be Continued;)

Leave a Reply