I had just told him my fantasies, and it was our first time playing with them. His finger slid slowly up and down the slit of my cunt, gliding over the glistening shean my body exuded, tacitly accusing. `It’s not my fault! I wanted to say. `It’s not my fault!’ His look is disapproving. Stern. “You are a bad girl, my Love. A very bad girl” he says. “You are wet.” There will be punishment. Of course.

Rising from his knees he took me by the hand and sat on the futon, pulling me around and laying me over his knee as for a spanking. But he did not spank me. Again he handled me, stroked me, relaxed me, aroused me, teased me. He moved my body, spreading my knees and raising my arms over my head, opening my body in all the ways a woman is supposed to keep private. Only when I am panting with desire does he check again for wetness. A slow, terrible test. I know I am failing it even as he fondles my sex, his fingers filthy with me. “Yes, a very bad girl.” The stroking is terrible. Knees wide, vulnerable. Soft, light strokes, a teasing, orgasm producing stroke. “Your cunt is wet.”

I felt my shame that day. The first time I ever really felt it. I felt my shame with every stroke of my sex, and with every slap of his hand. Not a hard slap. But it didn’t have to be. It was on my sex that he spanked me. “Stay still for it, my Love.” And he would take his hand off my sex. I learned that it would strike in moments, but I was paralyzed. I could only lay over his knee and accept the humiliation. Smack! His hand tapped me and the soaking wet lips of my sex made a loud slapping sound despite the gentleness of the spanking. “You are a bad girl. Your cunt is wet. You are a very bad girl.” He stroked me, expertly teasing my swollen clit, yet knowing when to go lower, preventing the orgasm. He spanked my cunt and slid up and down on it, reminding me of my shame. I knew I shouldn’t moan. If I was pleasured it would surely be proof that I was bad. But I could not withhold.
“Ohh.” His fingers teased. A quick slap elicited a gasp then another moan as I settled back down over his knees.

“You little slut, enjoying your punishment.” he said with just the right touch of derision. Yes, I felt my shame. And my orgasm was near.

He knows. The almost imperceptible tremble that rolled through her when he first touched her pussy is the sign. Taking her, he leads her to the futon and lays her over his knees, on her back. Pulling her legs up, he places her right leg on top of the futon, behind him, and holds her left thigh open and back with his left hand. Within moments she is transformed from a bad girl caught with her cunt wet to the ultimate position of vulnerability.

She will be cunt spanked, she has no doubt of that. Her wetness is inches from of his face, glistening and aromatic. He looks at it. She can’t hide it. “Your cunt is wet, my Love. You should be ashamed.” And the stroking starts. Coaxing the clit to swell, then avoiding it. She knows from long experience with his spankings that there is always warning before being spanked. One hand holds her, the other pleasures her. Always it is the hand that pleasures that also punishes. There can not be punishment unless that hand leaves her sex…
He lifts his hand. She tenses slightly, knowing that she will be punished with his next touch. “You are a bad girl. Your cunt is wet.” Slap! His hand stays on her, still for a few moments, then traces circles lightly, slowly, gauging how close to orgasm his beloved is. Then levitates. “You are a bad girl.” Slap! Insistently it repeats. Her legs held open, her cunt out for him to see, smell, and punish, dirty, terrible words spoken to her. Words about a woman’s role in sex and how a lady must act, and she is brought deeper and deeper into her helplessness until she is lost to the world. When finally she is about to cum with or without further stimulation he jams his finger up her ass and lifts her hips as he moves his mouth to her clit. His lips and tongue press into the hot wetness of her body, suckling the orgasm from her.

*****

`Oh God! I am lost! I am a bad girl! I’m naked! I’m wet! I’ve been caught! It’s up my ass! I’m so ashamed!

“PLEASE SIR, PLEASE DON’T SPANK ME THERE!”

I am pushed over the edge and I cum with more power than ever before. For minutes I moan, squirm, and throb as he holds me, controlling my hips with my asshole, mouth following my squirming sex, slipping and sliding over it. Sensitivity now acute, further stimulation is painful. Desperate now for him to stop, I hold still and spread wide, keening softly. He knows. He feels me spread myself and he knows it is time. He opens his mouth wide, lips forming a large O, and he holds this upon me, pleasantly stretching my sex as I throb untouched in his mouth.

Soon I remember that I’ve been bad, that he knows what I’ve done. He will surely inspect me again soon, and what will I say? A trembling begins in the depths of my gut, growing with strength. Submission now forgotten I draw my arms to my side as my hips buck faster and farther with every contraction. His mouth is sliding on me again and I explode, screaming without concern. His tongue orchestrates my gasps and screams…

*****

Again you spread. Your arms rise above your head, legs splay. You even tip your pelvis up to maximize my access. Just when you are terrified that I will continue, you hold yourself helpless to me. A well trained woman. Again I understand, and hold you quietly in my mouth, waiting for your recovery. Your clit ejaculates it’s nothingness into warm, moist air as my lips stretch you. We spend minutes like this as you calm. 
The trembling begins again…

*****

I never knew it could be like this…

“Spread.” You open your body and wait. Inspections are never hurried. First he checks your grooming. The shaved places. Under the arms. The lips of your pussy. Legs. Like a whore. His fingers approve of you. Everywhere they touch, they tease. He is there now, touching. Checking for wetness. A finger slides slowly up and down the slit of your cunt. He knows.

It’s time for your fucking.

This is my story. My husband and I run a private business. It is an Internet based operation that we run from our home. It is quite a demanding job, sometimes a bit stressful. And I am – or should I say was – a coffee-addict. A year ago I would drink 12 to 15 cups of coffee a day. Black and strong. No milk, just sugar. That was until the day my husband – who is also my 24/7 master – told me coffee for me would be a no go and that, if I really needed it, it would have to be “French coffee”.

This means drinking coffee now is a very humiliating protocol for me

It goes like this. If a really, really, really want coffee I will first of all have to beg for it. Next, when it suits him, I will have to kneel down and give master a really good blowjob.

And that is not just a “suck and swallow” quickly. No, he wants the works.

I must kiss, lick and suck until he is completely satisfied and ready to cum. If he does I must of course catch the sperm in my mouth, but I am not allowed to swallow it.

Master is a hard man to please and he has taught me well. So this part of the ritual is very likely to take quite some time. Usually something in between 30 minutes and an hour.

Only now master will pour me a cup of coffee. I will next have to empty my mouth in my cup, thus mixing the sperm with the coffee. This I have to do in front of him, still kneeling, so he can enjoy the scene. I can assure you, this is probably the most humiliating part of the process.

I’m sure you get the point by now. What is inside the cup after this is what master has baptized “French coffee”. I have to drink it of course.

This is the only coffee I am allowed to drink. And what is worse, this ritual allows for very clever embarrassment.

For example, whenever we visit others and people offer me coffee I have to say that only drink “French coffee”. When they ask for an explanation I will give them some story about a very special European brand or a very special blending, both of course unavailable in the United States.

And all I can do is hope that there is not another master somewhere who came up with the same idea….

Welcome to Wasteland.com where Hardcore BDSM, sex, fun and pain are just everyday things! Poor miss Ashley is having a difficult time with her behavior. Her attitude during classes is just appalling and she just doesn’t seem to care. The Dean of her school has had enough and brings in some outside help. Keni Styles, the master of disaster, the colonel of pain, the king of dong…well you get the idea. Keni isn’t putting up with any shit from this misbehaving little hussy. He lays down the law immediately and pulls Ashley over his knee and spanks her ass red. Her defiance is unprecedented. The usual tactics just won’t suffice. She is so close, but heavier discipline is needed. So Keni pulls out old reliable, and gags the ornery little bitch with his hard cock while he stretches her tight little pussy with as many fingers as he can fit in her. He then finishes her off with a hard pussy pounding fuck, and forces her to swallow every drop of his cum. Class is over, and school is out…..think Ashley’s learned her lesson? Just CLICK HERE to watch Ashley and her attitude being readjusted!

Although she misbehaves, Jada learns her lesson pretty fast when her cruel master shows no hesitation in forcing her onto her hands and knees and shoving his cock down her throat as a form of punishment. She might have been bewildered, but that did not stop Jada from still mouthing off, so Master Eric did the next best thing and decided that her ass would have to pay for her belligerent mouth! Jada has no choice but to accept her punishment right in front of the wasteland cameras as her Master pounds her ass so hard that she ends up screaming in an intense orgasm!

Just CLICK HERE if you want to see the full picture gallery of Jada and her anal experience.

Leila has always been one of my favorite slaves at Wasteland.com for a couple of reasons. Firstly she’s got one hell of a smoking hot body! And secondly this girl is no vanilla porn model, she takes her beatings well and she takes them as hard as they can come!

Submissive to Master Eric X, Leila is bound to a hard wood bondage chair and has her entire sides covered in clothespins. She’s blind folded and cannot tell when her Master will take his crop and hit off all of the clothespins, but she knows it’s going to happen. The fact that Leila is blindfolded makes her torment all that much worse as the anticipation of the next blow keeps her on edge and wondering where the flogger, crop or cane will strike her next.

If you’re looking for some hardcore BDSM go no further, just click HERE or on one of the pictures to check otu the free kink movie gallery of Leila being utterly abused by the cruel Master Eric X! With electrostim, burning hot candle wax, dual flogger action and more, Master Eric X brings a whole new meaning to the term hardcore.

]]> http://www.punishments.com/2010/09/01/leilas-bondage-chair-torment/feed/ 0 http://www.punishments.com/2010/08/18/wasteland-3d-bdsm-game/ http://www.punishments.com/2010/08/18/wasteland-3d-bdsm-game/#comments Wed, 18 Aug 2010 18:33:31 +0000 admin http://www.punishments.com/?p=298 Already nominated for an AVN O Award for the best innovation of 2010, Wasteland3D.com is a game that every BDSM loving kinky person will want to play at least once. This virtual world lets you create your own fetish character; you get to pick your gender obviously as well as your piercings, tattoos and outfits from a huge selection of fetish attire. Once you have set up your character, you can go online and explore a whole world of virtual kink right from your keyboard! Wasteland’s idea behind this is that now you are in control of their dungeons, and let me tell you, having that control feels great! There are a ton of manipulable bondage instruments in their dungeons, including everything from fucking machines, crops and whips, to bondage furniture and more. Wasteland 3D is  a fun game for those  who like to play virtual reality games, with a bit of spice added to them. It’s definitely not a game for kids!

Besides the ability to submit or dominate another character in the game and engage in humiliation and torture, you are also able to do a number of other actions like have strapon sex girl on girl, girl on guy, blowjobs, face sitting and more. Don’t think that you’re limited to only engaging in activities with one other character either because you are able to have threesomes or more! Your creativity is absolutely free to do whatever you can think of in this brilliantly hardcore BDSM game! Of course if you prefer real life kink, you can always check out Wasteland’s main site right here!

Duties and Protocal

It is an endless discussion. Is there such a thing as a “good slave”. And if so, are there any criteria for that? Well – although personal preferences and standards may vary – yes there are criteria:

A good slave is obedient.
She is humble.
She radiates servitude.
And she is of course submissive.

To what degree?

All that is for her master/owner to decide.

Under Your Thumb

Humiliation, embarrassment, protocol, rituals, duties and sometimes even hard labour all are effective ways to not only keep her under your thumb, but also to test her end – probably most importantly – strengthen her character, test her limits, motivation and stamina and in general improve her personality. And maybe (if there is a need or desire for that) break her will.

The life a slave should revolve around the following:

• serving, obeying and worshipping her master in every way he desires.
• performing her slave duties.
• adhering to the protocol, set out for her.
• actively show her subdued position through politeness, humbleness, obedience.
• frequent testing of all that to keep her focused and improve her attitude and ability.

All that is extremely personal.

Options and Possibilities

You – master – have an enormous arsenal of options and possibilities. But not everything is for everyone. And the entire package needs to be fully personalized to her boundaries, needs, “problem areas” and – not in the least – your own requirements, wants and needs.

Humiliation – i.e. grinding in humbleness and servitude – is probably the most important set of tools techniques you have to condition your slave and mold her into what you want her to be. Time, repetition and most importantly strictness are the main factors here.

But ……. work like an artist. Like a sculptor. Go slow: carefully chip away what you don’t need, but do it one bit at a time.

This section deals with the toolbox and the many different tools, you can use. Pick and try what you like, leave behind what you do not fancy.

A slave of course has protocol to keep up and duties to attend to. While much of that is very personal, there are certain rules to go by and there is a lot to learn. That is what this section is all about.

Where ever we can we will use real life reports and interviews. Not only does this help the sketch the reality of BDSM, is is also much more fun.

One of the most important things to understand is that your protocol is probably not everyone’s.

So, please never impose your protocol rules on others, Chances are, you will only irritate people.

In this section we will introduce you to some of the more generally accepted forms of protocol in the BDSM world as well as provide you with some good ideas about protocol you can use in your personal life.

Protocol, at least in the more public sense of the word, is something that doms should also adhere to.

As far as slave duties are concerned: every slave has many and again much of these are very personal requirements, usually tailored to that specific relationship and the desires of her particular dominant. Nothing wrong with that. In fact protocol and rituals are fun and a major enhancement to your scenes and relationship. Duties especially make things “more realistic”.

One general piece of advise about duties first: if you are a dominant, keep it down on the number of duties and be realistic. It is much more effective to install one or two duties that can indeed be sustained to perfection, instead of coming up with a pages-thick rule book that is neither going to work, nor will you be able to check up on them all.

An un enforced rule is no rule and de facto only counter productive

Responsibilities, Tips & Tricks

Responsibility

Mental play, mental sadism and mental conditioning is serious business. It is about changing the psychology of the slave. It can have tremendous consequences.

And while this is true for all aspects of BDSM, the following is probably even more important when it comes to psychological techniques: make sure you are well aware of potential consequences and evaluate your own motivation!

There are risks, hence you should be risk-aware:

• As opposed to physical bruises, you cannot see mental bruises. They also may not manifest until a much later date, when it is probably impossible to pinpoint exactly caused the bruise.

• Mental conditioning is much like body modification. What you change will probably last (if not forever, at the very least for a very long time). And again, you can probably not see it on the outside.

• A mishap is usually not easy to restore. A mental bruise doesn’t have to be a disaster as long as you go slow, so it doesn’t become a major bruise.

Both partners (i.e. master as well as slave) have an equal responsibility for their own as well as their common safety and well being. This – especially to the slave – means she should think twice before entering into anything. For example, such things as breaking a will may have more consequences than you bargained for.

And – needless to say we hope – partners should be sane! BDSM is not therapy and it will not cure your problems. If you have skeletons in the closet, get rid of them first through therapy, not through BDSM. Having a problem is no reason not to enter into BDSM-activity, as long as you are aware of that problem, deal with it and understand the possible limitations and risks, this may bring about.

Communicate! Talk and talk again before entering into anything, especially mental activity! Be self-critical! Evaluate options, risks, desires and possibilities. And most of all: make sure there is always the protection of a sound and solid relationship between the two (or more) of you.

Tips & Tricks

Many different roads all lead to Rome.

The essence of successful humiliation is in your point of departure.

The thing is this: what is embarrassing to one, may not be to the other. And what is a step too far for one, is two steps not taken to the other. In other words, it is a very personal thing, based on personal experience and personal indicators.

So, everything we explain here requires personal verification in your own situation.

The most important thing is to look at humiliation in the following way. Picture the two of you on the edge of a cliff. What you do is make her bend forward. She’ll soon think she will fall. Some just need the verbal hint, others actually need the experience to get the same knot in their stomach. What you’re looking for is the knot. How you get there is a very subtle, step-by-step discovery.

It is not about what you – the dominant – get to see, but what she sees and feels in her head

Invading Privacy

Invading privacy is one way to humiliate and the reason the toilet is so popular, is because that is something almost everybody is ashamed of. Women more than men. Since women are not used to sharing the toilet as most men are.

This in itself can take many shapes:
- Going to the toilet and being supervised;
- Being locked up in there for a while;
- Cleaning the toilet;
- Potty training;
- Uncommon toilet rituals;
- Being urinated upon or ….
- Actually being used as a toilet.

As you can see in this example, personal preferences, experiences and boundaries are everything, when it comes to humiliation. Even within just one technique.

Working with physical features is another good example. Changing her hair color may be a dramatic thing to many women.

Others can handle much more, such as being belittled about the size of their breasts or, as in the picture examples below, their overweight.

Testing

NOTE: Pushing the boundaries of your sub, should only be done if both parties agree to it and you have a long term 24/7 lifestyle relationship. Remember BDSM is Safe, Sane, Consensual and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). Play smart, be safe. These articles are for informational purposes only and are not condoned by Wasteland or its staff.

One bitching technique you can use – and one that actually may turn out to be very useful – is to test the sub whenever she uses a safe word or otherwise indicates something should be changed or stopped.

We won’t go into the discussion about the pros and cons of using safewords in a 24/7 relationship at this point. Some have, others don’t. Here we assume you have.

First off the dominant needs to be able to see the difference between a real emergency and one that can (or sometimes should) be tested. This will be a handy way to check if the submissive is really only using a safeword when appropriate.

The main idea is that you do not automatically respond to the safe word or signal, but instead ask her questions and make her explain WHY she uses a safeword and if she herself really thinks it is necessary or that she is actually trying to get out of an uncomfortable situation that – albeit maybe difficult or demanding – is not an immediate emergency but something that – if she puts her mind to it – she can bear (at least for a little longer).

This is cruel and yes, it is stretching her limits, but on the other hand, dominants will do well to regularly test the use of safewords and signals.

Some things just tend to become a habit and sometimes even an easy way out (submissives can be manipulative!). The safeword is actually used as a means to top from the bottom, in other words the sub can still control at least part of the action.

Besides, even in the simplest BDSM set ups it should be understood that nothing is taken for granted. As a result, safe word testing will not only drive that point home, but will dramatically intensify the interaction between the two of you.

Real Life Example

From Maggy: I am used to strict duties and severe punishments. Punishments will always be a combination of pretty intense humiliation, pain and discomfort. Not easy, but the idea is I should try and avoid punishments and I can assure you that technique works.

Among my regular duties are such things as making sure dinner is ready when Master comes home, the house is spic and span and I am beautiful and a pleasure for him to look at. I am just to deal with these duties, wether or not that sometimes may be difficult.

One day I had been on the phone with a friend way too long and as a result I was pretty short of time. So I hasted to do the final bits of cleaning, do the cooking but simply ran out of time to properly take care of my hair. In fact I was still busy doing just that – hoping Master would be delayed – when he walked in and caught me by surprise and in curlers.

I was given the chance to come up with an explanation, but of course there was nothing I could use as an excuse. This was entirely my own fault.

So I was ordered to undress, serve dinner, bring ropes and duct tape. As soon as the dinner was on the table Master quickly tied me up – my wrists to my ankles so I was forced to stay on my knees. Next the “three ball gag” was used. This is particular humiliation Master uses whenever I’ve behaved really badly. Two small rubber balls are placed in my mouth and a third, somehwat larger, one is placed in the middle. Next my jaws and lips are securely taped, which leaves me looking like a chipmunk. In this case, my eyes were taped too. But all this was only the introduction to the real punishment. I had cooked spaghetti and since I had taken insufficient care of my personal care duties, Master thought it an appropriate punishment to work quite a bit of the hot spaghetti sauce through my hair and over my face. Next weighted clamps were placed on my labia and nipples and I was ordered to crawl to the nearest corner and wait there for further instructions.

Soon this became more than I could bear and I started to make funny noises, humming our usual distress signal, making it clear this was too much for me. Master told me to crawl the painful route back to him (which was no fun, neither for my kneecaps, nor for my tortured labia and nipples) and explained I needed a punishment like this. However, he gave me the option to try and indicate which of three parts I wanted relief from: either the tape covering my eyes, the clamps or the gag. Everything else would stay in place, he told me.

At first I was shocked about the fact that my distress signal was largely ignored. Then I realized that I simply had to try and come up with something so I started humming fiercely, indicating I wanted to get rid of the gag, thinking that would give me an option for proper communication and that I could try and persuade him to relief me of the rest of all this as well. But ….. of course that didn’t work. The gag was removed and I almost immediately started to explain that especially the spaghetti sauce all over my head was a humiliation I could not handle. Master told me that was my bad luck and something I should have thought about during the hours, I spent on the phone and ordered me to crawl back to my corner and silently await further orders.

Of course, deep inside I knew he was right. Plus, it seemed like a good idea not to provoke any further punishments so, biting my tongue, I did as I was told.

I had to stay there until Master had finshed his dinner. Then he told me to crawl to him once more and the clamps were removed ….. for only a short while and then placed back again. I screamed and begged, but all that was ignored. Instead, he proceeded to feed me the now cold spaghetti, without the sauce of course since – as he put it – I had already been allowed to enjoy the sauce. Only when he had finished feeding me the punishment was considered to be over and I was released and allowed to wash myself.

In all honesty, when it happened I thought he was out of line and took things way too far. However, after a few days and some soulsearching I had to admit the punishment had been both effective and appropriate, since it had provided me with a very good reason to try even harder and avoid punishments, something that actualy is relatively easy as long as I do the things I am supposed to do.

There are many ways in which you can test and it doesn’t have go as far as the example above. Even a few seconds of just testing the use of a safeword can be enough and quite effective, especially if testing is something that hasn’t been done before.

Penalty System

Another way to test the use of a safe word is through implementing a penalty system. Again, this can only be done in a solid relationship where there is sufficient trust and where the sub – even though she knows she must pay a price for the right to use the safe word(s) - will use it when needed

This is another example from slave Tori:

My safe word regime requires me to pay for my right to use a safe word. The logic behind it is twofold. I myself have always found the safe word thing slightly conflicting with the concept of slavery. To me it somehow doesn’t really make sense to be a slave and still have the right to get out of every situation, just by the use of a simple word. It sort of takes the magic away for me. The other reason is a very simple one. My owner says that since I need bread and water to stay alive and I am ready to pay for that, there is no reason why I shouldn’t “pay” for the right to use a safeword.

Actually the system is very easy. I have a special “punishment suit”. It is actually an adapted swim suit that, with a few attachments, neither allows me to take it off myself (since it has a couple of chains that can be padlocked attached to it) and that I cannot cover with normal clothes either, since two metal spikes have been studded to it: one one my belly and one on my back. The latter also prevents me from sitting on a comfortable chair or couch, but forces me to use a stool instead with only limted comfort. The word WHORE is – rather prominently – embroidered on both the front (over my breasts) and on the back (over my butt).

What happens is this. In the event I use a safeword or otherwise beg for relief for good reasons the price I pay is a relatively mild one: wearing the suit for four hours and my owner will usually allow me to do that at a conveniant time, like during the evening.

However, if he feels I didn’t really have a good reason to use the safe word and could have completed the scene without using it, the time I have to wear the suit will be increased with several hours, depending on how good or flimsy my excuse was. The maximum penalty is 48 hours non-stop in the event I deliberately misuse the safeword (which so far has never happened).

….to be continued!

Introductions

It is an area often neglected, especially when it comes to information about BDSM. Yet it is also one of the most important, especially in the Maledom/femsub BDSM dynamic. It can also be the source of many misunderstandings.

Mistake #1

Many dominant men truly struggle with the question “how do I give my 24/7 slave something to do” Many resort to household duties, in an attempt to achieve this. Although usually well meant, this is just about the biggest mistake you can make.

Household chores is what most women do most of the time. So there is no attraction, hence no incentive.

It doesn’t make her “feel slave” at all. It makes her feel like most other women, i.e. not different, not special.

Now that does not mean you cannot use household duties. You can, but you will have think different. Elsewhere in this section we will help you with this.

The $100,000 question: why put your slave to work? what’s the point?

This entire section is for those who are, or want to be, in some form of a 24/7 BDSM relationship. In other words, a relationship that encompasses more than the occasional kinky adventure. Of course, there is nothing wrong with the latter, but this section id all about 24/7 relationships and their dynamics, which are very different.

The number 1 danger in a 24/7 relationship are boredom and routine. This is the result of repetition of the same elements over and over again and that in turn is a the result of the fact that the number of things you can do is usually limited. Limited by real life, by your personal circumstances, kids, work, your mother in law, physical and mental possibilities and inspiration.

Giving her a job to do (or more) will help you break the vicious cycle of repetition. And there are many options. Not all of them have to be specific “jobs”. They can also be behavior patterns, temporary tasks, living conditions or forms of training for example.

The idea is that you take her out of the ordinary, daily routine and into the exciting life of being (and feeling) a slave. However, here too, avoiding an overdose of routine and repetition is the secret to success.

The critical success factors for every slave job

Regardless what the job is and what its specifics are, there are a few critical success factors:

• Be specific! Make clear what the job exactly is and what it is you want her to do.

• Set goals! Make very clear what it you want her to do and how well or how quick you want her to do it.

• Be demanding! Make sure it will really take (some) effort on her part. Things shouldn’t be too easy.

• Be realistic! Don’t set yourself (and your slave) up for failure – make sure, whatever the job is, it can be done (maybe with some effort, adaption and creativity)

• Set both rewards and punishments Make clear what both success and failure to comply will bring her. And make sure a punishment is a punishment (i.e. not some spanking that she actually …considers to be fun)

• Be strict! Once the job is “on” do not accept anything other than compliance and success

• Check up! She needs to feel that this is important to you, so check regularly, ask, demand demonstrations, etcetera.

Mental Sadism

It has just as many names as there are risks: the bitching game. verbal humiliation, teasing and mentally taking her to her limits. This is not about calling her names, but about mocking her agony. In it’s simplest form: “Oh dear, does it hurt that much? Here, let me give you some more!”

Before we go into detail in this section, please allow us to say (more than) a few words about mental sadism – because that is what we are talking about here – and its effects and potential dangers. It is so easy to do and it almost slips in without both partners being aware of it.

As opposed to what the urban legend would like you to believe: sadism is not (just) about administering physical pain. Sadism is about enjoying your partner’s agony and every aspect of it. That includes her mental suffering.

And if you are the dominant in the game, you may need to admit to yourself that you actually enjoy her suffering. Because she is suffering for you.

It’s A Risky Game

Let us start with a real life example. Several years ago an inexperienced dominant started a casual relationship with a really not overly bright submissive. Both their intentions where good. She was a nice young woman and he intended no harm at all. But ……. she was slightly overweight. Nothing much, just a tummy that needed some “attention”.

She thought it would be great if he taught her some discipline in this area, he thought he was actually helping her and so they started doing figure corrections each time they met,at the start of their session. She was made to stand up straight, her tummy was measured each time to record her progress and each session she was mildly criticized for being “fat” (she wasn’t really fat, just slightly overweight). This continued for several months until the relationship finally didn’t work out and each went their separate ways. So far, so good.

However …… a year later she was in deep financial trouble with debts mounting up on top of each other. She was behind on rent, in arrears on her personal bank loan and close to being on the streets.

Almost all of her troubles were the result of expensive weight loss programs and products. As we said, she wasn’t very bright. She had a less than average job with less than average pay and really couldn’t afford expensive diet programs and products. All of which where the result of – you guessed it – the “harmless” figure correction games. And it took an experienced BDSM couple well over a year to deprogram the sub and help her regain her self-respect (not to mention getting rid of her debts).

This is how easily these seemingly harmless games can implant very dangerous mental seeds.

Look Before You Leap

When it comes to BDSM nothing can be taken for granted. A few “misguided” words can have devastating effects. Just how easy these things slip in is something almost every therapist can tell you. They can also tell you in great detail how much time, work, effort and money it costs to get rid of such mental implants, if this works at all.

Impotency – apart from a few who really have physical problems – for example is largely a mental thing and most often the result of either having been turned down one time too often during puberty or – even worse – the result of a parent who thought it was a good idea to “scare these wet dreams away” by telling their son how he would not be able to have children later or how he would become seriously ill. Not every man becomes impotent as a result of these things but some – the ones receptive to such mental implants – do. And you just cannot tell from the outside who is receptive and who is not.

So that is where the problem with mental sadism – no matter how mild – is. Within the context of a BDSM-relationship (casual or not) these mental games are not without risk. People with insufficient background knowledge of each other can easily, mentally, harm their partner, dominant or submissive alike. because of the trust and the intensity of the moment, things are likely to hit home more seriously. A sub, criticizing an inexperienced dominant, may easily be the cause of his loss of self-confidence and even his self-respect. A dom telling a sub what she has to do, is about conditioning her – like it or not – and as a result WILL create changes in her personality. Minor changes maybe, but still.

This is one reason why any therapeutic problem should not be dealt with in a BDSM-context. But we’re not just talking about those, unlucky enough to have to live with a traumatic experience. Perfectly strong, well-adjusted people can easily become the victim of “misplaced” mental seeds. Simply because the intensity of the BDSM-situation and the hormonal activity during active play will make people (submissives especially) much more receptive for such mental implants. Small pieces of information (in psychological terms known as “nemes” – the mental counterpart of “genes”) are just as important as genetic codes and usually have the same – lasting – effects.

Risk Acceptance

People – doms and subs alike – entering into a BDSM-situation should be aware of the potential risks and dangers and are equally responsible for the consequences. People who are unaware of especially the psychological/mental effects of BDSM simply do not belong in the BDSM-realm!Tough statement? Sure, but very true. The fact of the matter is that if you are unaware of the psychological effects of what you are entering into (and psychology is more than half of the entire BDSM-situation) you should stay out of it or educate yourself.

Next to that, people, again doms and subs alike, should be aware of all consequences, ideally well before they actively enter into anything and accept the fact that there are risks, mainly psychological ones.

Blaming the other if things turn sour doesn’t help, it doesn’t even make sense and in fact is pretty childish. Being aware of the consequences – or at least being aware of the fact that there WILL be consequences – and accepting that fact, is the mature way of dealing with things.

So yes, there are health warnings when it comes to mental play. You won’t bleed or break an arm as a result of mental implants. And that is the problem. You cannot see what the effects are until much later and at that point it will usually be much too late to do anything about it.

Bottom line: Look before you leap, be realistic about the situation and be careful, even when it comes to something simple like “honey, if you call this being wet, the sahara is an ocean”.

….to be continued!